Mumbles. My mumbles. I mumble a lot.

Something absolutely weird happened today. Something really weird. I've never encountered such things before.

After tarawikh was completed, tears flowed from my eyes.

Ever experienced something so unnatural, so beautiful?

God is Great.

10th tarawikh so far. Attendance full so far. Let's keep this up.

(not far from 1000 counts now. *crosses fingers*)

Don't worry. I haven't impregnated anybody just yet.

But I guess I need to take care of somebody, something. Mainly because I spent most of time sitting at home. Yes. My life is absolutely pathetic. And this in turn causes me to feel a bit, well, empty.

I guess I need a child. I need to take care of a child. Or an adult with a children's mind. Whichever. I just want to take care of somebody. One thing about a child is, it's kind of fulfilling to watch them grow.

I know. I might be too young to be thinking of all this. But since when age matters right?

Any volunteers?

Thank goodness for social networking websites. Most people actually have more friends now. Unfortunately most of these friends have never even met in person.

I wouldn't want to get left behind by the buzz. Heck no. I would be uncool.

So I opened it all up. And I've decided to arrange them somewhat systematically.

I have facebook. Most of my updates show the lighter side of me. Happier me. I have a blogger account (the one your reading now). This is normally applied for me to talk some sense (or the lack of it). And I tweet. Most of the updates are totally emotional. Sad me. A flickr account. Been a while since I last posted any photos. But soon I guess, when I'm in the mood.

I think I'll just link it up at the side here.

I'm not doing this because everyone is doing it. I'm not doing this because Ramadhan is here. But I'm doing this at my own conscience. My own will. I do not want to call this a preach. Just a reminder to myself and hopefully to others as well.

I have been through hell and back. This past year has been nothing but constant, continous feeling of gloom. It was tough, I have to say, the toughest I have encountered my entire life. Ask around. People noticed. And through all this I have been nothing but a victim of negligence. To Him, the Almighty.

And I came back home. Coincidentally with the arrival of Ramadhan. I admit, I have been a terrible man of faith. I wouldn't say I did anything terrible to cross any lines. Far from that. But the things I did was that of negligence. I didn't perform my duty as a servant to Him.

And the price I had to pay: Huge.

And I do thank Him for this. I do thank Him for the gift of Ramadhan. I do thank Him for reminding me of my wrongdoings. And it is with Him that I want to pull through this. It is common of mankind to remember the Creator only when he is on despair. I know, I might be a hypocrite before. You might not believe I even wrote this. I accept the gift of Ramadhan with an open heart. We made mistakes before, but this month God gives us His chance to repent. I was blind before, but it is laid in front of my eyes now. And I really thank Him for this.

I really want this to be the last time that I have regrets towards Him. The reason I write this is because I can't possibly do it on my own. And I really hope you readers would help guide me through this. Hold my hand. I don't want to get lost from the path again. I need constant reminding.

(There is nothing like a well-focused tarawikh. Nothing compares to it. Through this feeling of sadness it is there that I find a little bit of strength to wake up the next day.)

I feel like posting up something.


But I can't put it in words. All in all. I've seen better days.

Owh I'm old now. 21. I can enter clubs with ease and not worry about the legal disclaimers at the front page of porno websites. Though I rarely pay these outlets a visit, really.

But yes. This has been a long yet short year indeed. Seems like yesterday I celebrated my 2oth, and now I'm home again, celebrating yet another one of my getting-older days. I guess it's a blessing, being an August baby. I get to fly home for my birthday. And this year Eid-Ul-Fitr as well.

A long year. I have never been through the things I went through in my life like this particular year. I feel so old, as I'm not supposed to go through these at such an age. Maybe later in life, but hey, these things just showed earlier than expected I presume. So I'd say my middle-age crisis should be around the corner?

Short year. How time flew. Farah said she felt like it was yesterday that she wished me on my last birthday. Naza stated the obvious: "Kiamat dah dekat". And I left school 5 years ago. 5. Damn. And entering 4th semester. Can't we just slow it up a bit? I just need a bit more time on certain subjects.

I realized I might have changed. Not so bubbly, or candy-cane intoxicated as I used to be. But face it. I'm growing up. So should you.

To those who knew, thanks very much for your support. I really appreciate it in these times of need. God bless your souls.

To those who don't, try and find it out.

Tomorrow, 4th August 2009, Destination: Kuala Lumpur