Mumbles. My mumbles. I mumble a lot.

I needed a reason to get angry. And I needed a reason to feel like crap. I needed a reason to make my life worse, to shatter it to pieces, and to just wipe my ass off this world and make me feel so bad.

And ahoy. I have found it as I glanced at the calendar.

Damn it. Exams are SO coming up faster than I could ever dream!

They say you'll only treasure things when you lose them. I treasure being lazy. Motivation required, a.s.a.p.

I feel like getting angry. I want to get angry, like really angry to the point of yelling my lungs out, or even slapping anybody right in the face. I wanna get 'Hulk' angry.

But see, there's a problem. I have no reason to get really really angry right now. Any volunteers?

I'm in freaking-out mode. *sigh*. It's like being on the verge of insanity, whilst being sane enough to realize it.

I know. I'm not making much sense.

I just had to ruin the day. And I sat under the shower for almost half an hour, asking myself, "Just what the hell went wrong...". This seems to be never-ending. This current state of mind. This is just wrong.

I feel like I'm reaching the edge. The end station.

(As I read my past entries, I know, I have been emo-ing a little bit too much lately. Though it would be easy to write about happy thoughts if I am ACTUALLY happy, innit? So bear with me. Please.)

Today is a very bad one. Seriously. I feel like... Shit.

I just wanna sleep this off. Pretend today never occured.

A close friend once said: "It's like playing a kite. You pull it closer, it gets away from you. You let it go, it comes down to you,". (You know who you are, and I know you read this since you drop by here every other minute or so... Thanks for the genius quote nonetheless. Claim your cekodok pisang as a treat).

But it's true.

And I'm tired of playing games. I do not take "Let's see what happens" as a strong, relevant answer. It's not very convincing.

And I suck at kite-flying. Both analogically and practically. (There's a childhood incident somewhere in Terengganu where I tangled the line. Pretty embarassing, I know).

I want to know what's in it for me now. Time-wasting is a waste of time.

OK. I just realized something. If I can't study, I'll just walk over to Mooney's room and fry some cekodok bawang. It is weird to a certain extent, but it helps. I'm sure you've got your own weird thing going on, so don't judge me aight. And if you feel like some cekodok bawang, feel free to ask or drop by. Would be GLAD to make 'em.

A classmate made a whole Formelsammlung. In English? Let me see, a Formula Collection. It's a compilation of all the formulas required to answer in the exams, based on the book written by the Prof himself. And every batch will at least have ONE person of this is sort, the one that is just hardworking enough, manages to find and squeeze the time to compile, type out and spreads them all out to everybody. Honestly, this is super noble. The world needs this type of people. The type that's just so hardworking to help lazy-ass pricks like me. Man.

And at the end of the day, you just lie down on top of your bed, realizing that you're all by yourself. All alone. And that sucks.

R.S.A.S

Due to recent events, I am hereby declaring that I have lost the capabilities to study, or do anything for that matter.

(I'm just down and out. Period.)

I've never said anything of such.

But it's hard isn't it, when your efforts are thrown down the drain. When you know that the other side has lost the will to commit. When it's just hard for that other side to something that has always been easy for the past couple of years. When you want it to be fixed, just knowing that the problem is beyond fixable.

Seriously. This hurts. Leave me alone. Just for a while.